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well, i know it all turning into a big drawn out story with lack of a true moral or point. but the past two days were alright. in a bittersweet kinda way. i did get to see 'saw'... it like it. but the reason i am writing this all right now isnt to tell you about any of that stuff. but rather, to maybe get straight what happened on my way home.
i left the bar, feeling alright, sorta. i wasnt drinking, i never do. i dont trust the medicine of truth. so to compliment my thirst, i smoke 14 cigarettes in like 3 hours.
i stopped at a store to get some thing to drink and charge it to my credit card. when i left the store and got into my car the girl was sitting there. she asked me to drive around some and i said fine as long as i can play my music. i figured why not... i am digging this cd and im not tired. and really when that happens i sometimes feel that everything in this world doesnt matter and it will all click somehow. dramatic? sure. but thats how i think.
me: hows it going? i was a bit worried about you.
girl: there is no need to worry. everythings fine, i just got a bit fucked up.
me: it happens. i figured you would be alright... but i still kinda worried.
girl: ...thanks. im cool. but we need to talk about some stuff. i feel bad, because its going to fuck up things and ruin plot devices and all of that. but this isnt a movie.
me: *grins* lay it all on me then. spare me no details.
girl: *nods gravely* then after this song. *turns up the music*
she started her story a little like this:
"i first met the old man about a year ago. hes pretty much the first thing i do remember. i think thats part of his job. im not really sure exactly what everyones job in this play is, but i know mine and i think his is the same, but he does do more since hes been around longer." she looks out the window watching the traffic lights on the other roads. "putting it bluntly, this is my job... i am supposed to keep an eye on you and a few others. i dont get paid in the common way, because really, i dont need the common things." its quiet again but this time its strange and i shift in my seat and ask her if the police knew about her job. apparently it was the wrong thing to say.
"our job, is to watch you, so you dont fuck up like we did. the old man watched you first. do you know his story? i dont. i have heard some things, but i guess about 8 or 9 years ago he got piss drunk and decided to do some work. i figure he had a farm and he lost his arm that way... thats really about it. as for me, i ate some pills... but really it was a cry for help or something." she shrugs and turns towards me. "i wasnt found until it was too late. thats how it works sometimes."
not sure how to take all of this information and if i could take it very seriously... it seemed alittle heavy handed or something. so i decided to just ask out right: so you're both dead?
girl: i guess so. its not a matter of heaven and hell. someday we all go to one of the other or not. but right now, there is this. what this is, i dont know, how i know its my job i havent figured out but considering only you can see me.... well, that leaves only two trains of thought. one, i am here to try to help people or two, you need pills so you stop seeing fake people.
me: *sighs* and supposing i am to believe you. i am not saying i do or dont. but, suppose i do. where does that leave us?
girl: that i dont know either. *shrugs again* fuck it. i mean, does it really matter?
me: i guess it doesnt, but i want you to know, i am not going to just hop this mortal coil because i am feeling lonely.
girl: i know. thats the part that bothers me. for the past year i have been 'helping' a few others and they either make up their mind one way or another and i can smell it on you that you wont for whatever reason.
me: thats good to know.
girl: sarcasm, nice.
me: *hands her a smoke* here, so it will feel more normal. but you know, i have been listening to the cure a bunch. so you never know. *grins* im feeling like tonight might just be too much.
girl: *rolls eyes* you are an asshole sometimes, you know that right? well, start driving home and let me out at the road before yours.
me: sure.
girl: i have been giving all of this thought. at first i thought this was all a joke, but i think maybe after talking to you that it isnt. you get pretty fucking down. like way down. like crying in the bathroom like you joke about. and yet. *shakes head* i told myself i wasnt going put my tongue in your asshole and inflate your ego. but i think the reason my job is to watch you so much is because i am supposed to learn something from you.
me: *not sure of what to say* ...well, i better get paid.
the girl punched me in the arm telling me to keep the change. looking serious again she says, i really fucking hated you after the first day. you just reek of poser and shit sometimes. putting her hand on her forehead and faking distress: im only happy when it rains. where are my cloves? only robert smith understands me.
laughing, i tell her now shes being an asshole. but i do tell her, in fairness, i felt the same way about you. its like 'im a girl, im happy, im punk rock, but i dont even know who the band is on my shirt. lets go to hot topic.' she ashes her cigarette on me. "you really are an asshole. you didnt think that. did you?" she asked.
"no, not really, but a little" i tell her, "but it doesnt matter. no matter how you slice it, it doesnt get more rainy or goth then driving around a confused dead girl that claims shes your guardian angel."
girl: your brother was right, you have a knack for ruining certain moods.
me: yeah. im feeling better too.
girl: *smiling* if you only knew how much we had to watch you. i saw you today walking around town when you and renee took rachels kids trick or treating. i saw you in the bar slinking around i saw those people hug you and all that sappy stuff.
me: now dont get nasty brother. i have a reputation to uphold.
girl: *rolls eyes* alright, this is my stop. 'reputation'? well. if you're not too careful people might think you're human.
the car slows and she hops out laughing and telling me, "why dont you just forget about most of what we talked about and i wont tell anyone what a soft fucker you can be." she shuts the door and starts walking down the road and i drive off as well.
me: *to himself* and if you're not too careful people might think you are human too.
posted by gasmouth at October 31, 2004 02:01 AM